Is this kosher?

A bit too late for Purim, but just in time for April Fool's Day...





So, it's your first kiss and several questions might come to mind:


Is it the right time?

Is anyone watching?

Does your partner even want to?

Is your breath fresh?

And... Should you use some tongue?


Then you lean in and just go for it!!!

O Ciel Azzuri (?)

Gorgeous waterfall somewhere in Ethiopia

O ciel azzuri, o dolce aure native ... O verdi colle, o profumate rive ... O fresche valli, o queto asil beato ... O patria mia, non ti vedro mai piu!

(O azure skies, sweet native breezes ... O green hills, o perfumed shores ... O cool valleys, blessed, tranquil refuge ... O my homeland, I shall never see you again!)

- "O patria mia", Aida, Act III (translated partially by Decca and partially by me)

Now I know what Aida is talking about.

OK, it looks rather gray and rainy on this particular day, not quite "ciel azzuri". But Ethiopia is gorgeous. A pity that when one thinks of the country, one tends to think only of desert landscapes and starving people, although I am by no means suggesting one should ignore them.

The picture, by the way, came from a PowerPoint presentation of scenes from Africa that has making the E-mail rounds around work.

I did have a craving for Ethiopian food (shiro and injera - yum!) after Tuesday night's performance. Unfortunately, my favorite Ethiopian restaurant has been closed for ages and I know of none near my home, my work, my synagogue or the Met!

And I thought *I* had credit problems...

The following is yet another E-mail that has been circulating around work:

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.

This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you she died back in January."

Citibank : "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member : "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

Citibank : "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

Citibank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

Family Member : "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

Citibank: "Excuse me?"

Family Member : "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"

Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."

(Supervisor gets on the phone)

Family Member : "I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance."

Citibank : "The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

Citibank : (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Family Member: "Sure." (Fax number was given )

(After they get the fax)

Citibank : "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

Family Member : "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care."

Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply." (What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member : "Would you like her new billing address?"

Citibank : "That might help."

Family Member : " Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69."

Citibank : "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member : "What do you do with dead people on your planet???"

And I shudder to think what would have happened had the poor lady been cremated and her ashes scattered over the ocean, or in space...

Poker in Heaven?

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth die on the same day and they both go before an angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in. The angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever. The angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."

A pity when you consider that not only does Dolly sing much better than Her Majesty, she's also a really nice person! Admittedly, so is Her Majesty.

Normally I would not spell out the Divine Name, even in English, but since this was a copy and paste from the original e-mail, I thought that editing the Divine Name would be even worse!